Washington, D.C.
Following all of the woke institutions of the land but also demonstrating bold leadership, President Elect Joe Biden will make his administration the most diverse in the history of the poorly named White House.
In a recent interview, Mr. Biden said, "Let me be clear, I am against all the whites that have imposed the whiteness upon the American people for so long. This office has for far too long been dominated by the whiteys, and it stops with me. In fact, I plan to form most of my opinions after hearing what Kamala has to say, since I'm also afflicted with the whiteness, and also my whiteness is even paler now that I'm so old."
In perhaps the boldest move in presidential politics in the history of ever, Mr. Biden stated that he wanted to do something like the play Hamilton was able to do--that is, make America's story and America's leaders less white and thus more relatable. Then it occurred to him (and by him we mean his advisors) that it would be so much simpler to hire the already beautifully diversified cast of Hamilton itself as his cabinet.
When asked whether or not a group of remarkably talented actors are qualified to lead the department of defense, state, treasury, etc., Mr. Biden wisely retorted, "Come on, man! Sometimes the times call for us to look deeper than such petty things. We want under-represented minorities to have their place. They are young, scrappy, and hungry, and that--combined with their non-whiteness--qualifies them in my mind. Let me be clear, again, I'm not throwing away my shot to make this nation more un-white."
The first cabinet meeting/rap battle will focus on other under-represented groups. The buzz all about town is that Kamala plans to spit some sick rhymes pushing for Jill Biden to be replaced with the first trans womyn.
Other plans include re-naming the White House the Rainbow Palace of Equity and Inclusion.
