Local man Frank Higgins recently came out to the shock of literally everyone as "Semi-Sexual." The term basically means that Frank defines himself by larger constructs than his mere sexuality and identified gender. He prefers to identify as a Christian father and husband and lover of wisdom rather than by how often and with whom he copulates. After all, one can only have sex perhaps .05% of one's whole life. But Frank has frankly not done the research on this, but he is nevertheless proud of the dad joke.
"I think that sexuality is important and all, but it seems to me that it constitutes only a small fraction of how I want to be known and what I actually do. I mean, I am a Christian and I like great books and big ideas and I love to make my kids laugh and I want to learn wisdom and travel and discuss important things with friends."
These radical and controversial ideas were uttered in open space where others could hear Frank, causing a major backlash.
Said one transgender bystander whose ear holes were violated by Frank's ignorance and heteronormativity, "It is offensive and insensitive to the LGBTQ community to even know that such people exist. I thought by now that everyone agreed with us that sexuality is everything and should be discussed everywhere and that there is nothing else interesting about human beings. First we were hated, and now we are being dismissively ignored. Things have obviously only gotten worse for us!"
The good news is that activists were able to cancel Frank and ban his various utterances on social media, so that they wouldn't have to know about him living out his balanced and deeply fulfilled life.
