Astronomer Warns that Universal Cooling a Greater Threat than Global Warming

Glasgow, Scotland

Astronomer Dr. Edmund Sorensen led a minor break out session at this years climate summit. With multiple speakers and advocates warning that we only have a few years before the earth will be uninhabitable, all because of plastics and SUV’s and airplanes, Dr. Sorenson’s warnings seemed a bit anachronistic to most of the attendees.

"People seem to forget that while the planet is warming, and going through various fluctuations of temperature in this tiny neighborhood of our solar system, the universe is cooling!" insisted a passionate Dr. Sorensen. "It's like everyone has forgotten the second law of thermodynamics! Given a wide view, we are totally screwed! If you think a degree or two in North America is a problem, wait until the sun burns up all of its fuel. What are you going to do then? You fools are side-stepping a bike only to be smacked in the face with a bus!”

Dr. Sorensen acknowledged that it isn’t likely that this cooling, at least in our solar system, will occur in the next twelve years, like the boiling of our oceans and the demise of Venice, but it will come after all of that! And no one will survive it. In closing, Dr. Sorensen said, “All the arrogations of human intervention are futile in the grand scheme. Human reason itself is wholly accidental to the universe, a vapor, nothing! Ah, but don’t forget to recycle. Morons!”

Many of the comment cards of Dr. Sorrenson’s talk complained of him being a sad little man, and also that he was clearly a racist.

Man Who Claims Humans Make Up Morality Morally Outraged by Christians

Saratoga, CA

Podcaster, Blogger, YouTuber, Entrepeneur, Motivational Speaker, Social Media Influencer, Lifestyle Expert, and public intellectual Tad Ryerson went viral recently, again. In a Ted Talk shared more than that cat video where the cat grabs the cord to the ceiling fan and is flung into the wall, Tad charismatically asserted that Christian morality is curiously inferior and "only another subjective view" of how to organize human communities.

In a passionate Jeremiad against Christian morality, Tad argued, "Christians pass themselves off as moral paragons, but their nationalism, homophobia, environmental obliviousness, and dark-ages sexual ethics are utterly ruining the spirit of equanimity and generosity required to sustain a forward-thinking and cosmopolitan society."

He continued, "The reason Christians can't see the inferiority of their view is that they think they are correct and have been running rough shod over various cultures since the inception of Christianity. If they could see that, in a diverse world, morality is ever evolving, ever changing, as we evolve and change, then they wouldn't be on the wrong side of history, stuck in the dark ages. They would help us advance women's rights, LGBTQ rights, and do other things that align with our superior morality."

We made contact with Dr. Ryerson (his doctoral degree is an honorary doctorate from George Fox University in Portland) and asked him about what he thinks of Muslim morality in America?

In reply, he wrote, "That is a great example of what I'm talking about in my Ted Talk that was shared a few million times and received with thunderous applause and which I am now sharing in a nation wide tour of college campuses. Hegemonic Christians in America are behind all this dreadful intolerance of Muslims. Muslims should be free to express their moral views as freely as anyone. They enrich the conversation. It is unfair to simply shut them down, as Christians no doubt would have us do."

Of course, we had to press a bit, and wanted to know how Dr. Ryerson could hold that the absolutist claims of Muslims in America on these topics are to be graciously heard and seen as equal to other views and that the Christian view is "inferior" and should be silenced through evolutionary "advancement" and even legislation. It seemed to us that there were at least two layers of contradiction in Dr. Ryerson's arguments.

Unfortunately Dr. Ryerson had to end our discussion, saying abruptly that he has chosen to take a different line with racists who are not "global thinkers" and wish only to "put people into oversimple compartments for ease of judgment," and also that he had to finish his research on activating chakras through CrossFit and developing these ideas into a new wellness program.